Reclaiming Author-ity

I used to be afraid of being too seen. Now I know what I’m actually afraid of.

Since I can remember, I’ve enjoyed writing my thoughts. Capturing every key moment, savoring every special memory, reliving every captivating experience - it was an outlet of freedom and creativity…

...Until my inner critic took over in the 4th grade. “You can’t write everything down,” it warned me. “Who are you to write this? What if someone reads it?” “What if your secrets and flaws are exposed to the world? What if you’re misunderstood? Judged? Rejected?” Yes, 10-year-old Celine was already feeling the external pressures of the world. And she was melodramatic about it. My fearful saboteur* was rampant, and I put down the pen immediately. 

Fast forward several years and the little girl who used to love journaling was still deep, deep down there. When it’s quiet and you take a moment to really listen, it’s annoyingly amazing what you’ll hear. Why did you stop? What are you really afraid of?

I was sick of being afraid. That little voice had a point. When death is inevitable, what’s the point of living in fear? 

So one day, I finally picked up the pen again. 

Re-finding my love for scribbling superfluously without judgment was like rekindling an old friendship: nervous anticipation that quickly felt natural again. A combination of journaling and coaching has allowed me to unlock the good, bad and ugly to ultimately uncover what’s most beautiful of all: the truth that leads to transformation.

It’s the free self-expression of 9-year-old Celine. 

It’s the solitude that comes from reminding myself that accepting every aspect of who I am now is what will allow the growth towards who I am becoming.

It’s the authority that no one can take away from me because I have chosen to write it myself. 

I used to be afraid of being too seen. Now I know what I’m actually afraid of: “What if no one ever sees you? What if your secrets and hidden flaws prevent you from experiencing the deep connection you desire? What if you never fully embrace who you truly are?” 

I consciously choose not to take that chance. 

This one’s to everyone out there trying to reclaim author-ity: cheers to you! The world needs your best, true self.

*saboteur: in coaching, we use the term saboteur to define the “inner critic” or “negative self-talk” that takes a small piece of truth and distorts it into a powerful argument against committing to positive change or big dreams. Curious about coaching? Let’s chat!